Mommy Growing up: A Mom’s dilemma

Thursday, August 18, 2011

A Mom’s dilemma

My decision of having my kids over to live with us oftentimes leaves me pondering, was this the right decision?

I and my husband went abroad to pursue our graduate students. We survive mainly on our respective scholarship stipends after quitting our respective jobs back home. Our part-time jobs as research assistant help too. As graduate students, we need all the time and effort to finish as soon as possible. So it is just rational enough that we shouldn't be bringing our kids over. On the other hand, I couldn't completely focus on my studies. I couldn’t help thinking about my poor little kids being left behind. Sure their grandparents took good care of them, but don’t they deserve their parents?

Then again I thought about the perks of not having kids over. When I came here alone four years ago, the absence of my husband and kids made me play around with my schedules – working at night till dawn with my experiments or having late night outs with friends without thinking of a child waiting for bedtime stories. However, I still longed for their company. When my experiments failed or beat deadlines, I wished my husband was here to comfort me. When I felt depressed and thought of giving up, wished my kids were here to kiss and embrace all my anxieties away.  I never felt so alone in the midst of the bustling city and beer drinking friends. The laughter, the yelling, the tantrums my kids had thrown - I missed it all.

When my husband decided to join me a year later in pursuit of his own PhD studies, I felt so happy. Life was good. Somehow, years of living apart had strengthened our marriage. Indeed we enjoyed our second honeymoon. When I finished my masters studies and got accepted for a PhD program, then I realized that both of us will be missing 5 or more years of our kids’ lives. No way! Missing my younger daughter’s first steps and first words were sad and terrible enough. I don’t wanna miss anymore of their birthdays, Christmas seasons or their everyday growth! No way, enough is enough. Then, I made a big decision. I will bring my kids over no matter what. My husband and parents-in-law were very apprehensive of the idea. Debates were thrown but in the end I won (*grin*).

Indeed God is good. He makes all things possible. Things worked out as planned. Our kids finally joined us here. We’re making up for the lost years we missed. Now I could enjoy all their kisses and embraces to my heart’s content. Now I can be a real mother. Life is never been better. Every day is a blessing. Together we will journey this life. Sure there will be hardships we meet along the way. But that’s what makes life more interesting and challenging. I learned to be grateful in little things that I took for granted for years. Indeed life is full of surprises and we live to enjoy them.

As for my dilemma on whether I made the right decision or not, well, let’s forget about it lol. More than ever, I am resolved  that I made the right decision.
I would not enjoy such a bliss had I chosen to leave my babies behind.


  1. Wow, I can't believe you were so strong in living without your kids. You're one brave woman.
    Thanks for coming on over to Espanol para Ninos (Spanish for Kids).
    Wishing you a wonderful week,
    Español para Niños (Spanish for Kids)

  2. Thank you Barbara. Yes, I'm quite brave for few months but then I just couldn't take it anymore! I'm not trading my kids for the world. Thanks!
    Your site is pretty cool :)

  3. I have to agree with you! You definitely made the right choice! A family needs to stick together. No matter how hard the circumstances, together is always better than apart. Kids need their parents and husbands and wives need time together to keep their relationship going. I commend you on making such a tough decision! :)


  4. Thank you Lisa for your very inspiring words. Indeed, I don't wanna risk my family with my career. It's not worth it. My purpose to further my career is to give my kids a brighter future, not a broken family. Thank you once again for visiting :)

  5. being with your kids is worth it! :D


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