Mommy Growing up: Can't help disappointing myself

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Can't help disappointing myself





In response to Mama Kat's fabulous weekly prompts, I was inspired to write something about the times I disappointed myself. Ahhh about this topic, I have a lot to say  ~ since I'm always been disappointed on "me".  I just can't help it.  I am not a perfectionist but I always disappoint myself for being so imperfect (oops please be warned that I am weird, sometimes).

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I disappoint myself for always been so disappointing ~ for always being late and for being an avid procrastinator, for being so clumsy, stubborn, impatient, irritable, tactless, immature, insecure, selfish, lazy, rebellious, paranoid, and simply for doing something stupid (oh please help me stop the list).

I disappointed myself today at my 5-year old daughter's first day of kindergarten class. I realized I failed as a perfect mom for her. Interacting in a community filled with competitive parents, I realized my daughter is academically falling behind from her peers. It's really my fault. I should have done better. I should have properly tutored my child this whole summer vacation instead of spending too much time watching movies or ogling on Facebook lol. I should have been a better mom *sigh*! Oh  come on, she's still a 5-year old kid, what's wrong with me? To hell with these competitive people lol. On a lighter note, we really had fun this summer.


Exactly ten years ago when I accidentally (lol) got pregnant, I disappointed myself for failing my dreams and for failing my family's dreams for me. Well, at least that was just temporary. I survived. I resolved to move on and catch on with my dreams~ together with my loving hubby and kids. Isn't that great!

When I was heavily pregnant with my first daughter, I disappointed myself for not controlling my diet hence I ended up like an overstuffed elephant. I really looked terrible and inherited a continent of cellulite! I learned my lesson the hard way (as always) thus I was very careful with my second pregnancy. 

When I delivered my first baby, again I disappointed myself for having an impromptu CS operation, the reason ~ too big baby, again because of stubborn me eating too much sweets at my last trimester (again a lesson learned).

And the list goes on and on. I'm afraid I will never have enough space for all of them.
 
Overall, how ever disappointed I may be with myself, I learned from all of my experiences. I took such disappointing situations as challenges to conquer. Though I'm imperfect, what I loved about myself is my will to look at the brighter side of anything. From there, I try to move on and sometimes just letting go...

Thanks Mama Kat for getting the drama queen out of me. I enjoyed this awesome event. Moving on to read what others wrote about your prompts  :)

7 comments:

  1. Hi Katya kate,
    At times we all fall short in some way. What is important is that we recognize this and try to make changes. Great post! It will make the reader reflect and try to make improvements in one's life. Take care and all the best to you and your family.
    Judy

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  2. Thank you Judy for this heart warming message. When we stumble, we try to stand and get back to our feet. Life is after all a sweet journey worth walking for :)

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  3. Sweetie you need to give yourself a break! It's so easy to fall into the pit of despair. To beat ourselves up for every failing and even for things beyond our control. God is in control. Let him handle it and focus on the now. You will be much happier for it :D Take this advice from someone who has beaten herself nearly to death. Prayers for ya babe!

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  4. Life is full of ups and downs, and frustrating moments, but we just have to try our best to go with the flow! There is no such thing as a perfect parent :) We try our best and to our children we will always be the best parents :) and that's all that counts!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and the sweet comment.Came by to return the love and follow back :)

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  5. I try so hard NOT to disappoint myself and then I go and do it again.... but I think I make myself proud more times than disappoint so I call that a win.

    I am stopping by to follow back.... thanks for following and I look forward to getting to know you.

    Be sure to stop by often at A CREATIVE SPIRIT and comment as EVERY comment gets an entry in the monthly drawing for a gift card.... woo hoo.

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  6. I love that you didn't just turn this into a critical mess of yourself, but you allowed yourself to grow and learn, or identify that it was ok that you didn't measure up to some metric (your followups in italics). I think we judge ourselves more than any other person, even our tough families. And your daughter will catch up, the fun stuff, she will remember.

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  7. It's hard to to be so critical of ourselves, our parenting. But I'm glad you said at the end that no matter how disappointed you may feel you trudge ahead, keep trying. As long as you have the desire to do better, you will.

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