Mommy Growing up: Wished that I vanished

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Wished that I vanished

Known in my family as the clumsy queen, I'm always been an accident-prone walking creature oftentimes ended up wishing to simply disappear from the face of the earth just to save my sorry ass from public humiliation.

photo from google
Talking about wishing to simply vanish into thin air, I once wished the first time I experienced this dreadful stage fright moment. Fourteen years back, on my third year college, I was convinced to join our college debating team. An  inter-college debate was about to happen in our university and they needed a team to represent our college. Based on my past high school experiences, I knew I kind of sucked on class debates. But just to help out my college, I blindly accepted the challenge. Little did I know, I had this awful "disease" known as stage fright.

We practiced everyday and did pretty good research on our subject. Time came for the judgement day. Dressed on our pearly white college uniforms and pinned with our shining college badges, we walked in the conference hall with a dramatic entrance. Why dramatic? We were a bit late. Everybody was already settled in their seats except for us, the moment we came in, all heads turned. Yes, embarrassing yet dramatic. My then avid suitor (now my husband), who belonged to the opponent team's college, was never been proud to see me get into the room and cheered for us (hmmm, at least that was what he told me).

Onstage, each team breezed for our opening speeches. But then, when the points of information were thrown to us by the opposing team (and they were good), my brain suddenly shut down. I became so nervous, my palms sweated, my face and ears got hotter and I could feel my body trembled. I never felt so terrified. I felt nauseous. I could not focus on the question. What did he say again? I felt stupid standing behind the podium with a microphone on hand. Wished the show would end at that instant. Wished I would wake up from such a  terrible nightmare.

Then my mind, instead of thinking for smart answers to throw back was just secretly regretting about joining the contest. I should not have joined the debate in the first place. I should have studied even harder for the competition. Never did I thought being on stage will be this overwhelming ~ with the expectant audience, the seriousness of the competition, the fact that it was my first time to join a real debate, and that I was some lousy public speaker and a pretty bad debater.

Then I realized our team was losing. Our rebuttal was equally bad. I never felt so embarrassed my whole single life and in that instant, I wished the floor would open up wide and swallow me whole.

Yes, such was those onslaught of dreadful stage fright. Wished I could glamour everybody (like the vampire Bill Compton) to erase their memories of my humiliation lol. I knew I would be smarter the next time ~ that means never to join such competitions ever again lol. It's just way out of my league or I'm just too ambitious for it. If it's  unavoidable to speak in front of a huge crowd, then I should be well-prepared and well-equipped to go on to battle, armed with my powerful ammunition ready for the kill. Cheers!

This post was inspired by fabulous Mama Kat, where I will write about a time I wanted to disappear. If you want to join this meme, link up every Thursday.


  1. Oh I feel your pain! I have horrible stage fright! I don't even like to karaoke! Lol! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I'm happily following yours now. Have a great day! :)

  2. Great story. I LOVE to talk and write but getting up in front of tons of people scares the bejeezers out of me. However,in a group situation, I might have done what you did but include standing behind the rest of the group (I am small) or crawlinng under a table. Hopped over from Members to Remember for 9/14 - 9/15. I hope you can visit me at Thanks!

  3. My husband LOVES public speaking. Me? I'd rather not. So I can feel your pain.

    visiting from Mama Kat

  4. Stage fright is awful!! Speaking in front of large groups is always something I have to work myself up for. I wonder if it ever gets easy.

  5. My mouth got dry just reading this. Yikes! I hate public speaking.

  6. I was never on a debate team but pretty sure I wouldn't be very good at it. I sure can see why you wanted to disapper!

    Stoppin by from writer's workshop.

  7. Wow I could really feel your fear!! Thank you for sharing this!

  8. I have that same disease! My mother didn't help either because if we had to do a speech at school she would excuse my absence! I never gave a speech all my years in public education. Even now if someone asks me to say something in a big room full of people I freeze and my heart feels like its going to burst. I feel ya girl!
    Visiting from vB! A new follower here :)

  9. This is why I'll never fulfill my lifelong dream of going on Jeopardy. I'm fairly smart behind closed doors or when I'm writing, but get me in front of people and I sound like a dolt.

  10. I remember Debate as well and I even got stage fright very similiar! NOT fun. I still get nervous if I have to speak but I find myself having to get in front of an audience often so it is getting better.
    Stopping by from VB! Great blog. New follower.

  11. Ah stage freight, I am familiar with. I had a dance recital once were I forgot every single dance step. Thank God I had a partner who was literally whispering the next steps to me. LOL. Its a fun memory for me now but at the time it was mortifying.

  12. That is funny! I also had a very embarrassing story. I don't remember exactly what was the celebration, but I remember that I had to sing in front of a lot of people. I had a lot of rehearsal but when the time came, I blanked and ended up singing a complete different song! LOL!

    Stopping by from VB members to remember. I'm already a follower!


Thank you for visiting and commenting! You just made my day! :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...